Last Hurtbeat

Watch on the wall shows me 5, and the sky outside the window tells me is morning now, even tough the Sun hasn't risen.

The dogs' bark outside makes me shiver.

I stay alone at downstair of my big big house. Sometimes, it seems too big enough to make me feel lonely easily. The air downstair is cooler, that's what I told my daddy. Fake biatch.

Facebook again, and Ah Tee again, who accompany me through out the cold night. I deserve all the loneliness, I make it comes to my life. Because I'm falling in love with the man again. And totally, lose myself. Not anymore the "Me" that I used to be. Happy, optimistic, strong, charming, sporty...all gone from me. Because I'm falling in love with the man again. All because of myself. 

Fall deeply into a relationship isn't a good thing.
I need someone, who needs me too. I don't need a man who is wealth, or handsome, or clever, or whatso, but, I need Him to need Me too, isn't that seems impossible? Haha. We tend to live in our own life, by having each other as partner, but won't even once stir on the other's life. That's better for me and Him. I think so.

Friends said I'm always dig out problem at wherelse suppose no problem. I make myself problem. I make myself sadness and trouble. Actually everything is going to be like normal, is me, don't appreciate what I'm having now. 

YOU are not me! You will never ever know what's the feeling for a girl who lost in a LOVE where she actually isn't need to be there. Everyone  got their own problems in love, so, don't you simply judge on mine. As I never really judge on yours, my dear friend. I don't need you to be by my side and comfort me and scold the man together, and so, I don't need you to be their too to say how pity are you and how stupid am I for not appreciating my love.

Hmm.

I love the man. I won't let him go easily, won't speak out the WORD easily, as long as, he remains unchange. And, I know he will feel frustrated also if, I keep on waiting him, and waiting him. Even tough he never know why is my purposes. Care, and love, and scare. Anyway, this is the last night I wait for Him. Last. I promise to myself. Love myself more. Meanwhile I never fade my love towards Him. No worries.