I think I can't anymore bear this stress. 

We're not meant to be together since the start and I knew it, just deny it. 

Its not anyone else's fault. I know and ain't blaming anyone. 

Keep on wondering should I end this relationship up when you left the right for me to choose. Not easy even tough I know what has rotten should been threw away. Not easy to let go even when you slapped me and make my heart broke to pieces...Hurt on my face and hurt on my heart. But I'm still not sure if it is killed. 

Every word you said is hurting me so bad.

Every chance I gave is ignored so bad.

Every move you step is disappointing me so bad.

Why we could be so sweet when you're sweet and so pathetic when you're cruel? How many times I can bear this heartbreak? Why you aren't the one who beside me when I need you to? You would've know that how much I love you...Don't you? How can you just hurt me with those words and actions?

Give me sometimes to make a decision, the best decision to minimize the hurt to both of us, even if the hurt is unavoidable. 

Friends or fools?

Sometimes will be disappointed by someone who I'm really treating them so true like a good friend does. Somehow it's real hurt when I know I was betrayed by them. I hate when people talk bad about me not right in front of me. No matter what kind of stuff you should have told me face to face I can accept all the critics but when you say it behind me, just a small matter I will feel real bad. What worse is I treat you as friend. Actually I don't really care what was you talk about but I do care your attitude, I was thinking "what the fuck are you thinking?!" When you need me when we stay together you pretend so well like we are real friend, when when I'm not there your true face comes out? Friends aren't who you can call up when you need help and kick them when you feel you want to. I don't need you. //

我是 巨蟹座

我恨 我是巨蟹座


如果 我能有狮子座の自信
如果 我能有双子座の潇洒
如果 我能有双鱼座の奋不顾身


或许我不会那么 挣扎


因为我是 该死の巨蟹

爱上了 却那么害怕受伤 自我保护の想要逃离

爱上了 却 不断怀疑你の爱

爱上了 却害怕 世界没有完美の爱

是在一起太久了么? 
为什么看着你 我却无话可说
是感情走到尽头了么?
为什么我们の默契 消失了


你不再在乎我的喜好 不再聆听我的悲伤

你の世界只有自己了...

我不再关心你の感受 不再追问你の爱

我の世界 也没有你了...

最后一次在你面前留下眼泪
而你の假装看不见 掉头就走
让我 彻彻底底地 死心了


不爱了


还 该不该继续

继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续

还 能不能继续

继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续

还 想不想继续

继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续继续

我
该死的巨蟹
被失望 给杀死了
被难过 给误导了


我
迷失了...

◀爱 被海浪侵蚀后 就只剩下一片泥土▶

你在哪里爱在哪里承诺在哪里未来在哪里我在哪里

BLA BLA BLA...

So busy these days. Its been two semester breaks that I didn't really enjoy my holidays. My holidays have been sold by me. AIKS. Its a lie if I tell you I don't envy when I saw my friends they travel all place or spend their time with sleeping like no tomorrow. LOL. What to do with my poorness. Even I save all the money up by reducing my meals, I don't have excess money for me to JUST PUT INSIDE MY POCKET. HAHA. Just hope that, I could get through the last semester and have a job, to settle down everything. I might have some money in my pocket then. HAHA.

Return home once a week. Miss Mama's cooking and miss every of my dearest so so much. 

The life living outside is tough, so tough. I'm forced to grow up. The adult life is fresh for me and yet I need to really really study it. Have met with various kind of human outside. LOL. Sometimes its really a challenge for me to deal with those people. When I feel like wanna shut their mouth or slap them but I couldn't. HAHA. 

Just wanna bla something here so it won't have dust over here, since nobody is coming for visiting. HAHA.

Rest In Peace

There you were, on 19February2012, you came into my life. Without noted. You were left alone on a little box since you were hurt by your cage mates. I, didn't left you alone. I was surprised and so happy to have you in my life from that day on. You were a gift from Heaven, I believe. Yeah you were cute and so adorable. You wiped off my bad mood every time when I looked at you. I'd liked to see you running around my room, with your chubby body. I'd liked to feed you and heard your sounds of excitement every time when I was going to feed you. Can't forget the first day you hid in some place and had we found you so hard. Can't forget the day you fell sick and we rushed to buy medicine for you. The day, you played so happily with Mimi. The day, you lied on my stomach and watched drama with me.

I always think of your future. When I move out to a bigger house, you would have your big room with Mimi. And there will be a lot of toys for you two. You and Mimi would probably born us many many cute babies. Everything is left undone after you.

You looked so sick since the hurt on your nose got worse. All the medicine we applied seems useless. You started to eat so less and most of the time you stayed quiet and still. I would have been noticed. I was worrying so much until that day you lied down. We rushed you to the hospital and hoped that might save you. Not until the doctor told me face to face, "It passes away". My tears burst because you left us, so suddenly.

I hope you would love the place that we choose for you. Its beautiful and peaceful. There will be birds singing to you, and squirrels playing with you. The tree will cover you from the sun and rain. There are lot of space for you to run, and sure, 'popcorning'. I'd really wish I can see you popcorning one more time...

Its 11March2012.

My dearest Bibi, Rest in peace.

I used to call your name every time when I get back from outside. No longer. You left me, left your daddy, and left Mimi. You left the family. Its not even a month that you'd accompanied me. But your face and your voice, will stay in my heart, forever. Thanks for the time that you were here with us. I love you...

XXXX

FUCK!
Fuck who? Fuck me?

I'm the one who ask you to fuck off, I shouldn't be cry after that.

I'm not myself at all after all this.
You just walked away.
You just left.



Fuck me. Fuck my life.

Moody like hell. Fuck.

对不起

有那么一瞬间，我迷失了。
迷失在他的甜言蜜语、他的保护宠溺里，忘了自己是谁，忘了自己在哪，也，忘了你。

我以为这种感觉会有结果。
我以为他的好能够一直很久很久。

他却，离开。

我哭了。

在你面前，
却不敢说原因。

是我不好。
我的错。
我贱。

你，隐隐约约猜到了原因。
他的出现你从来就知道，只是你包容，不说。

你对我说：

你有的是时间，来证明你的爱，比任何人来的更有耐心。

你说：

我的梦想，就是你的梦想。




给我时间，改掉我的坏习惯，好不好?
为了你，我愿意改。

我看到了，

我的永远，

在你身边。

结束；开始

2011结束了，太快了。感觉刚开始我的学院生涯不久而已，两年就这么过去了。考SPM的日子、当兵的日子、开学的日子，好像在一眨眼的瞬间就随着岁月走远了。

感慨的事，发现妹妹在不知不觉中，长大了。很感触、很不舍。
妹妹还小的时候吖，时常都被我欺负，却不曾离开过我的身边，还是像个屁屁虫似的跟在我身后。一起玩耍、一起被骂、一起看戏到天明，童年里的回忆都少不了她。
慢慢的，我长大了。开始叛逆了。每次被爸爸骂的时候，妹妹都会为我难过，甚至为了替我说话而顶撞爸爸。我失恋时，也是妹妹听我说话到天亮。
慢慢的，我毕业了，当兵、上大学，离开了家。和妹妹相处的时间变得好少好少。奇怪的事我们的感情却变得更亲密，无话不聊，也更有默契了。每每回家的时候都习惯看到妹妹在我身边打转，想找人说话时转过身妹妹就在身边了。我害怕一个人睡，所以在家每一个晚上都有妹妹陪着我睡着；我喜欢唱歌，也喜欢海贼王，每次回家都会和妹妹唱歌褒戏。妹妹知道我，每一个开心和伤心的秘密...

妹妹毕业了。
她离开了家，出去工作了。
粘我的妹妹不在家了。
回到家，感觉少了些什么的。少了一把声音、少了一双耳朵、少了一份关心。

从前妹妹在身边的时候，我总以为她会一直一直的在我身边，什么都不会改变。
我以为长大的只有我一个，却从未真正的去体验和看见妹妹也在成长。所以她的长大，对我来说，措手不及。
好后悔，后悔从前都不愿挨着瞌睡陪她看完成套海贼王；后悔从前不愿花多些时间去和她聊天。
好遗憾，好难过。
妹妹在外边生活，受到了委屈我只能干伤心，却什么也不能为她做。心疼，身边的人却一再提醒我该放手，让妹妹去吃苦去成长...遗憾自己怎么不早出世个几年，那么，就有能力让妹妹不用受委屈...

跟在身后追着我的脚步、爱我的妹妹，现在一个人在我到不了的地方生活。能够感受她的寂寞，能够体会她的无助，没有用，我没有办法带在她身旁。妹妹自小就粘家，不曾离开家里生活...

只能希望说，妹妹能够比我想象中更坚强、更独立、更成熟。妹妹，要加油。世界什么都会改变，可是我们的感情，就算用尽力气我也不会让它改变。我会支持你做的每一个决定，就像当初你支持我一样，我永远都会在你身边。

My dear

Have been waiting for you all day long. And what I've get is you sorry.

What to do for my disappointment? Blame you? I'm not doing that anymore.

Being your perfect woman is a tiring work.

I wish for your pampering your accompany too. I wish that you would love me like others do. May I request and then being classified as a selfish girlfriend?

You would do your own way.

I need space for myself from now on. <3

I deeply doubt about our friendship. Because of your selfishness and everything you do is always think about yourself. When you need help you come over and when you don't you walk away. What kind of friend are you?!

Moody things need to be announced XD

Mood was brought down by a steupid lecturer.
He said Im a lousy designer that always look for shortcut, just because of I accidentally forgot to replace back those blu tack that pasted behind my artwork with masking tape. I was so damn unhappy after that.

Things aren't going right after that.

I need some space.

And I will soon give back YOUR space. We will leave :) And you couldn't even do something childish and stupid behind me.

I'm sorry my dear

Last Thursday we went to play basketball. But since that my skill is sucks, I just sat there and watch them played. Anyway that was boring and so I went to CITC get some researches. I kept waiting and get frustrated soon. 

After a long time, he finally came and I was really on my temper. I walked fast and left him behind. I thought he was with friends.

He called. He said he was fell into a drain.

My brain was like empty and all I wanted to do is get to him as soon as possible. I saw him sat beside the road and with his left leg hurt. Tears burst but I didn't let 'em out. Even tough I was so worried, scared and felt sorry.

I stayed calm, and tried some basic first aid to avoid his scars become worst.  Saw he was in hurt, my heart broke. 

Luckily, TARC never lack of kind people, thanks for any for them who stopped and helped us especially the bus driver who had went to First Aid and get me the medicine box somemore report to the school. Besides, the student who was willing to stop by and drove him back hostel. Thousands thanks to you guys.

After all we managed to be left alone. And I cried. I said sorry. 

I shouldn't left him behind and made him hurt. 

I'm not a good girl friend. I can't even take good care of him.

He forgave me. I know he will. He is just so loving me.

I love you.